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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 07:14 PM Thread Starter
 
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Mondays joke......

Had to share this one with the guys who don't visit "The other Forum"

so an old irish man is sitting on a mountain alone....

he says, "You see that house over there, i built it with my own two hands I did and any more like it, but do you think they call me the house-builder? Noooooo..."

He continues...."See that school over there? I built it with my own two hands I did and many more like it... but do you thinkn they call me the school-builder? Noooo.... See that church over there? I built it with my own two hands I did and many more like it .... But do you think they call me the church-builder? Nooooo....

But you fock one sheep......"
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 07:18 PM
 
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lol.....wheres MIller???


baaaa
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 07:20 PM Thread Starter
 
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another......


"WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY"

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday. I sat down for breakfast with
my family, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday!"
and probably have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone
happy birthday. I thought, well, that's just great . . . maybe the
children will remember.

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good
morning, boss, happy birthday!" And I felt a little better that someone
had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door
and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your
birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "That's the greatest thing I've heard all day . Let's go!"

We went to a private little place. We had a few martinis and
enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You
know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the
office, do we?"

I said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment"

After arriving at her apartment, she said, "Boss, if you don't
mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more
comfortable."

"Sure!" I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about five minutes, she came
out carrying a huge birthday cake followed by my wife, my children
and a dozen of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there.

On the couch.

Naked.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 07:21 PM Thread Starter
 
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...............

this is great

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?", she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

"Worked for your ass, didn't it?"
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 07:21 PM Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OffSett
lol.....wheres MIller???


baaaa

LMAO :corn
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bradsr1
...............

this is great

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?", she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

"Worked for your ass, didn't it?"
I read it to my wife... lol



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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 08:36 PM Thread Starter
 
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yeah my g/f got a kick out of that one
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-15-2005, 11:02 PM
 
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-16-2005, 09:41 AM
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good jokes, bro :laugh


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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-16-2005, 09:43 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R1LOVER
I read it to my wife... lol
I'm sure she really appreciated that one....you---> <---her



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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-17-2005, 12:25 PM
 
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One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

"Adam, you can start by kissing Eve."

"Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam.

God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.

A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?"

"Adam, I now want you to caress Eve."

"Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.


A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?"

"Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve."

"Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush.

A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-17-2005, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
 
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LMAO :laugh :laugh
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 08-17-2005, 05:54 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04R1Belgium
One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.

"Adam, you can start by kissing Eve."

"Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam.

God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her.

A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?"

"Adam, I now want you to caress Eve."

"Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her.


A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?"

"Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve."

"Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam.

God explained, then Adam took Eve behind the bush.

A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"
:laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh
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