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post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2005, 11:15 AM Thread Starter
 
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joke of the day

What Word Starts With "F" and Ends With "K"?



YOUR ANSWER TO THE QUESTION IS WRONG !!!!!!
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Bubble gum"

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong......
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post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2005, 11:20 AM
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ROFL, i love that one


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post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2005, 11:34 AM
 
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That was good man thanks
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post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2005, 11:57 AM
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Damn, I got lost at Bubble Gum.... :laugh :laugh :laugh :
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post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2005, 04:01 PM Thread Starter
 
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I have so many more.....over adamn gig loaded....I really need to start putting this stuff somewhere else...my damn hard drive is like almost full already. :laugh

and I hear there isnt alot of room in ltops to add a second drive.
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post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2005, 05:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by korrupt1
I have so many more.....over adamn gig loaded....I really need to start putting this stuff somewhere else...my damn hard drive is like almost full already. :laugh

and I hear there isnt alot of room in ltops to add a second drive.
you can very rarely add a second drive in laptops.and i mean VERY RARELY as in almost never.

thats what USB hard drives are for......
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post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-09-2005, 05:51 PM
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Funny.... :laugh



post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:12 PM
 
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and today's is................


Butt Measurement
>
>A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man
>looks
>over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean
>really
>big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
>
>With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill
>and
>then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's
>bottom. "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the
>barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.
>
>Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He
>makes
>some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
>"What's
>wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire
>up
>this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
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post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:17 PM Thread Starter
 
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ahahahahaha


I have some new ones coming in right now!!!!

joke night is coming up!
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post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by korrupt1
ahahahahaha


I have some new ones coming in right now!!!!

joke night is coming up!

I got some too.

Post up brutha
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post #11 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:18 PM
 
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wow...I got all of the questions wrong
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post #12 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:20 PM
 
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In the meantime there was this airplane ....

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered for 10 or 15 seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered again.

The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently.

The man couldn't restrain his curiosity. He turned to the woman and said, "Are you all right?"

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare medical condition; when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"

The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper."
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post #13 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OffSett
wow...I got all of the questions wrong

OffSett where you been man?
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post #14 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bradsk5
and today's is................


Butt Measurement
>
>A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man
>looks
>over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean
>really
>big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
>
>With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill
>and
>then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's
>bottom. "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the
>barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.
>
>Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He
>makes
>some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
>"What's
>wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire
>up
>this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"

hahaha... LMAO



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post #15 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:24 PM
 
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A man suspected his wife of seeing another man, so he hired the famous
Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while
he was
gone. A few days later, he received this report:

MOST HONOURABLE SIR:

YOU LEAVE HOUSE
I WATCH HOUSE
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NOT SEE.

NO FEE.

CHEN LEE
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post #16 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bradsk5
Quote:
Originally Posted by OffSett
wow...I got all of the questions wrong

OffSett where you been man?

I died and was residing in Vals basement
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post #17 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:30 PM
 
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Seven Degrees of Blondes




FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is
clear."




SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"



THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is
really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"




FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."



FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."




SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the
crime

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."
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post #18 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 06:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OffSett
Quote:
Originally Posted by bradsk5
Quote:
Originally Posted by OffSett
wow...I got all of the questions wrong

OffSett where you been man?

I died and was residing in Vals basement
hmmmm glad to see your alive again LOL
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post #19 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 09:55 PM
`beer?
 
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haha
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post #20 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-20-2005, 10:09 PM
 
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Lol keep em coming.
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