Anything Goes Self explanatory forum name... (No NWS)

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 12:46 AM Thread Starter
just a user
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,906
 
Send a message via MSN to korrupt1 Send a message via Yahoo to korrupt1
Cat lovers....hilarious

so true oh so true

:laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh


How to Give Your Cat a Pill



1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in palm of right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down side of ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Hummell figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down cat's throat through drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Remove last pill from foil-wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves in shed, force cat's mouth open with a small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have cute puppy for sale.
korrupt1 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 07:23 AM
No Crying Allowed
 
R1Lover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: California
Posts: 20,229
   
:



100% free webcam site! | Awesome chicks and it is absolutely free! | Watch free live sex cam - easy as 1-2-3


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
R1Lover is offline  
post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 07:52 AM
I swear it wasn't my pipe
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Abq, NM
Posts: 1,414
 
Send a message via AIM to Pvt Jet Send a message via MSN to Pvt Jet Send a message via Yahoo to Pvt Jet
lol :laugh
Pvt Jet is offline  
post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 12:18 PM
Faster and Better
 
Hellbound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,560
 
Send a message via AIM to Hellbound Send a message via MSN to Hellbound
:laugh :laugh
Hellbound is offline  
post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 12:28 PM
it's meeting not meating
 
OldscholVett&R1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: toledo
Posts: 2,121
 
Send a message via AIM to OldscholVett&R1
thats why i love dogs.....

:gun ......I touch myself

"To dare is to dream. To fear is to fail. Live life in the now, for tomorrow may never come."
OldscholVett&R1 is offline  
post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 02:48 PM
Advanced Member
 
Saint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,623
 
cool , reminds me of :


How to Wash the Cat


Thoroughly clean the toilet. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION!!!!!

Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

Flush the toilet three or four times.

Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The DOG


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Saint is offline  
post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 03:07 PM
FAsT BOYS RACING
 
STONE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Miller Motorsports Park
Posts: 4,343
  
mean I love cats!
Attached Images
File Type: jpg dogcat_373.jpg (44.4 KB, 22 views)


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
STONE is offline  
post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 11-20-2005, 04:23 PM Thread Starter
just a user
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,906
 
Send a message via MSN to korrupt1 Send a message via Yahoo to korrupt1
:laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh
korrupt1 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Sport Bike Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome