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post #1 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 01:03 AM Thread Starter
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help

okay. First i'll start w/ the rundown. I was dating erin 2 years ago and a male friend of hers liked her. I could tell he did but she didn't believe me. After we broke up sometime she found out he did like her. They are close friends though and I know she doesn't like him like that.

well she is now 4 hours away and i talk to her 10-20min a night and tonight on msn i could tell she wouldn't give me a decent response and it was taking forever. i said "you're tired, i'll talk to you tomorrow" and i get back "no i'm talking to bill" and i get upset having to share my time w/ a guy that likes my gf.

now because they are friends she thinks i'm over reacting because i can't deal w/ her going to a guys room and watching a moving alone w/ him when he likes her. sorry but i can't deal w/ the fact of my gf going over to a guy's place that likes her alone and watching a movie w/ him. i know they won't do anyting, but she's so stuck on this she thinks i'm telling them not to be friends...

am i over reacting for not wanting my gf to be alone w/ a guy that likes her (in his room) and wtaching a movie w/ him?

it's not a trust issue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't explain it though


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post #2 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 01:24 AM
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well as with women on anything


Yes and No


Yes its normal to feel uncomfortable to have your GF hanging out with a guy that likes her. you are guy you KNOW!!! You said you trust her you have to show it but you dont have to roll over and give in to what makes you feel uncomfortable

What she is probably having an issue with is how you are going about it.. being compative and in her face about it will piss her off and make her do it in spite or just so you aren't ordering her around or giving her ultimatums..


About the overreacting, you probably are.
you don't know the whole story just what she tells you they could be on opposite sides of the room watching a movie. but still she needs to understand where you are coming from.. you are a guy you know guy tricks.. we are shady characters somtimes. (the guy club is going to kick me out for saying that)


only advice I can give you is its better to say this OFF of MSN and on the phone so people can hear your concern in your voice and don't misinterprit your words..



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post #3 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 01:28 AM Thread Starter
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we talked on the phone.

she thinks i'm being insecure and letting my ego get the best of me. even if they are on opposite sides of the room behind closed doors in the dorm watching a movie. i know that guy is living it up when he sees me next time. i KNOW he already doesn't like me. I realize they are friends, but what guy wants his gf to be alone w/ another guy that likes her. It's not that i think they are going to do anything. To a points it's probably just the fact that i know he's thinking he's getting somewhere, getting time alone WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, etc...maybe to a point it is a control issue, but i think it's normal and healthy and i think most girls would respect their guy and just say "i won't do it if it's that big of a deal" BEFORE it even becomes a big issue/arguement that you almost break up over.


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post #4 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 01:33 AM
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DORM room okay... ya thats kinda uncool there small cramped not really a good situation.


you trust her, but it seems like she thinks you are accusing her of shit that she hasn't done..


but making a girl stop being friends with someone is VERY VERY HARD! I think you have to come to a compromise.. I mean arguing over this for a long time will create unnecessary drama between you two and could tear you apart.

you could always pull the would you like it if I was hanging out with so and so in her room watching movies knowing she wanted to do nothing else but have sex with me.. but she'd prolly say no



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post #5 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 01:42 AM Thread Starter
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i tried that and she says she doesn't care. she trusts me...

i told her it's not a trust issue and it's not. i told her i don't want her to stop being friends w/ him...just not being alone behind closed doors. I think that's reasonable. would be unreasonable to tell her to not talk to him, not hang out, etc...but hanging out w/ a group or w/ a door open isn't that hard?

She said "what if it's noisy in the hall and we shut the door to talk"...to me it's honestly "you know how bad it bugs me then talk somewhere else or another time...unless it's serious like a realtive dying then i understand"

I just can't stand the thought of her alone in a dorm room or somewhere w/ a guy that likes her and hates me. It drives me nuts...i'm not asking her not to talk to him or be his friend though


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post #6 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 03:45 AM
 
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While it may not be a trust issue with her.. it may be a trust issue with HIM. The harder you fight it.. the worse it will get... be honest about your feelings that is all you can do.. if she doesn't change what she is doing even knowing how you feel about things then you have to figure out what to do with your feelings. There is no win-win here unless she decides to respect your wishes or you decide to let the issue go.. this is just my opinion and things i have learned from the past....
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post #7 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 05:02 AM
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Cor, I've been down this road...and it sucks. I hate to tell you this because it's the last thing you want to hear, but there really is no way to win this one.

If she:
A) Gives in to you and stops going around him, she's going to resent you because she'll feel you took one of her friends away.
B) Doesn't stop, it's going to drive a wedge between you two that will escalate into big problems.

Like I said man, there's no easy way out of this one. I'd say if you want to keep the peace, you're going to have to deal with it. Otherwise the situation will drive the two of you apart. Women want to feel independent and know that you will trust them without question and in any situation. And although your mistrust is aimed at him...she still sees it as you not allowing her to be responsible and handle herself accordingly while in his company.

Would I personally go that route? Fuck no! And I've lost girlfriends over it in the past. But as guys, we know exactly what that fucker is after, even if she is totally faithful to you. Women, unlike men, are capable of having platonic relationships. Whereas, a man, given the opportunity, will always give in to physical impulses. It sucks to be in your shoes right now, bro. It sounds like either she's testing your trust in her or she truly is only friends with him. Either way, it's going to drive you crazy....


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post #8 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 05:39 AM
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That's what sucks about the whole situation.

For girls it's easy to "Just be friends" with another guy.

For guys it is not. As Corey said........The guy is after 1 thing and 1 thing alone.

I have never met a dude that Is "Just Friends" with a chick. Unless the guy is gay........the only reason a guy is "just friends" with a girl is because he is hoping one day she will like him more or give in to his seductive behavior and finnaly have sex with him. Let's be real.

My GF has guy friends at work because she has to be around them everyday.......so ofcourse she is going to be friends with them. But out of work she would never just go hang out with some dude. Not only because she knows I wouldn't like it but because she as a woman knows that most guys that treat you real nice and want to hang out with you all the time are after 1 thing.....Not just BE YOU'RE FRIEND. Most girls don't know that though.

I know how you feel Corey.

You trust you're GF and all........but it's just KNOWING that if she were to take off her clothes right in front of him and say "DO ME NOW" He would have his clothes off in half a second. That's what bothers you.

Maybe next time she decides to hang out with him or watch a movie or whatever........ask if you can come along too.

See what she says. lol.

Sorry if my post seems kind of NON Sympathetic. Cause I know how you feel and what you're going through.....but I'm trying to be as straight forward as I can. I would feel the same way in you're situation.
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post #9 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 08:24 AM
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Bottom line Bro, you are in a tough spot......

I would back away from her and make her start calling you and chasing youagain....... then she won't have time for him as she will always be wondering about you and what you are doing instead fo the other way around..........

It will be very hard to do, but you need to flip the coin on her.......

If something is going to happen between them, you will have no say in it and actually if you try to stop it ... you will make it worse..... I know it sucks and it's life.....

But what doesn't kill you will make you stronger...!!

Good Luck Bro....



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post #10 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 08:40 AM
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i didn't read everyone's responses but heres my 2 cents: bottom line is that she is putting her feelings before yours, i put my girlfriend's(now wife) feelings before my own and she does the same, if there was ANY situation we had control over that caused the other any grief, that situation would cease to exist ASAP, there would be no debate or conversation about it

i am not condemming her totally, i know its college, and this guy may be the only person she knows that she feels comfortable hanging out with, without him maybe she has no one to hang with, but relationaships are HARD WORK, you gotta make sacrifices for the sake of the other, if relationships were easy then everybody would be in one!

hang in there and stick to your guns, don't discount your feelings, if you are unconfortable then you should let her know and keep letting her know until things change or ????
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post #11 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 08:53 AM
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Kill the guy
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post #12 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 09:25 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eveR1ast
Women, unlike men, are capable of having platonic relationships. Whereas, a man, given the opportunity, will always give in to physical impulses.




I never nor will I ever cheat on any woman I am ever with. Its how I was raised.


and I dont believe in the date multiple people thing either....especially these days...you want a disease go ahead...stay the FUCK away from me the you whores

corey your in a rough spot here man....I know, you know and everybody on this forum knows...that dude wants the 1 thing you are having right now.

her.

remeber that though bro..she is with you and if you love and trust her as you have said you do remeber that every night she is going to bed thinking about you

yea that guy hates you because you have something he wants to add to his trophy collection.

if you trust her then it should be no big deal to you...I have had people tell me they trust only to get up in my face and get pissy over some really stupid shit (like talking to my ex wife)

it is a trust issue man...maybe not with her right off the bat...but it is festering into one...you dont trust him and that plants seeds inside of her...etc

thats what your really worried about
honestly IMO

if you love her and trust her as you say you do...then call it a night and like R1Lover said...let her chase you a bit.

might give you time to think if she is really the one you want in the first place
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post #13 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 09:28 AM
 
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or as MV says....
kill em
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post #14 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 09:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MV-999R
Kill the guy
nah just beat his ass and teach him respect
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post #15 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 10:50 AM Thread Starter
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daotan i agree w/ what you said in the longer post 100% and that's where i've always came from...


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post #16 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 11:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cbrf4iangel
While it may not be a trust issue with her.. it may be a trust issue with HIM. The harder you fight it.. the worse it will get... be honest about your feelings that is all you can do.. if she doesn't change what she is doing even knowing how you feel about things then you have to figure out what to do with your feelings. There is no win-win here unless she decides to respect your wishes or you decide to let the issue go.. this is just my opinion and things i have learned from the past....
:imwst
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post #17 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 11:23 AM
 
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Originally Posted by DaoTan
nah just beat his ass and teach him respect
Ya cant teach a fuckwit how to respect,,,

And Corey,,,if a man cant respect another man than he needs to be killed! (Okay I was jokin' about the killed part) But what a fuckwit,,,I'll send ya some coconuts to toss at his head,,,

Give me a few minutes here to read all the replies,,,
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post #18 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 11:32 AM Thread Starter
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thx all...she told me she will respect my wishes and not be alone w/ him. I just wish she would have done it w/o an arguement, but i guess in the end she ended up agreeing not to do it for me! i guess that's all that matters...maybe it's a guy thing.

i would think in a way a girl would be happy a man doesn't wonder her to be alone w/ a guy that likes her. it's not like i'm saying "be w/ no guy, hang out w/ no guy" that's a control freak, but i would assuem a girl would be happy a guy is possessive a little bit. I dunno...maybe i lost my mind! lol


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post #19 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 11:34 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt
That's what sucks about the whole situation.


I have never met a dude that Is "Just Friends" with a chick. Unless the guy is gay........the only reason a guy is "just friends" with a girl is because he is hoping one day she will like him more or give in to his seductive behavior and finnaly have sex with him. Let's be real.

Yes the situation sucks and NO all my guys friends which is 98.9% of my friends are not gay,,,okay 1 is, I'll give ya that. I just get along better with guys, been like that all my life and I have been fortunate to have a husband that knows my ways and knows I know my place and my guy friends know it too. I earned my trust and respect by just showin who I am and makin my intentions very clear.

Corey this is a really tough situation and I completely understand yer frustation. The best you can do is accept her as she has come into yer life. You cant expect her to drop her friends or lifestyle. It will just bring you more grief. The best/worst that could come out of it is you find out you guys werent meant to be. Life goes on. Dont wear yer heart on yer sleeve Corey,,,yer a special guy w/ a sensitive kind heart. You know what else I just thought about,,,if yer girl cant respect you and draw the line reasonably knowin she's hurting you than dump her!
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post #20 of 62 (permalink) Old 12-28-2005, 12:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lena808
Yes the situation sucks and NO all my guys friends which is 98.9% of my friends are not gay,,,okay 1 is, I'll give ya that. I just get along better with guys, been like that all my life and I have been fortunate to have a husband that knows my ways and knows I know my place and my guy friends know it too. I earned my trust and respect by just showin who I am and makin my intentions very clear.

Corey this is a really tough situation and I completely understand yer frustation. The best you can do is accept her as she has come into yer life. You cant expect her to drop her friends or lifestyle. It will just bring you more grief. The best/worst that could come out of it is you find out you guys werent meant to be. Life goes on. Dont wear yer heart on yer sleeve Corey,,,yer a special guy w/ a sensitive kind heart. You know what else I just thought about,,,if yer girl cant respect you and draw the line reasonably knowin she's hurting you than dump her!
I agree. I shouldn't have said ALL guys are after 1 thing. But the majority are.

My GF is the same way as you Lena..........she is friends with more guys then girls. Mainly cause girls her age are ditsy fuckin flakes that act like theirs till in Highschool. So yeah she tends to get along with guys more.......

However.........if she were to take away time from US so she could go watch a movie with her Male friend then I think anyone would be pist.
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