A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot
sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says
aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually
understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to
be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do
you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing
but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this
wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it
because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and
speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I
can converse with reasonable competence on almost
any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I
just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the
truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any
feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make
the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a
great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great
pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and
The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot
and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know
if I should tell you this or not, but it's about
your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your
wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black
nightie and kissed him passionately."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what
"Well, then the postman came into the house and
lifted up her nightie and began petting her all
over," reported the parrot.
"Oh No!," he exclaims. "Then what?"
"Then he lifted up the nightie, got down on his
knees and began to kiss her all over, starting with
her breasts and slowly going down...."
"WELL," demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my