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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 07:57 AM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
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Dilbert awards

Dilbert Awards

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking
for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.
These were voted the top ten quotes from Dilbert managers in corporate America :

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday,
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the
winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might
encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat
Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United
Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant
Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let
you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota
Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I
told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss
work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change
her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping
executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going
to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 08:08 AM
 
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I have this poster hanging in my office

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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 08:10 AM Thread Starter
 
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Dayum!!!!!
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 08:34 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VinR1
I have this poster hanging in my office

i have many of theirs......


such as:
"It's hard to soar with the Eagles when you are surrounded by Turkeys"

"The secret to succes is knowing who to blame for your failures"

"There are nmo stupid questions, BUT there are a lot of inquisitive idiots"

"For every winner, there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them."

"Sometimes the best solution to morale problems is just to fire all of the unhappy people."


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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 08:35 AM
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hillarious!
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 08:39 AM
 
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and my personal favorite:

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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 08:41 AM
 
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hehe a new one...
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 08:48 AM
 
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ahhh for the pessimists among us...
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 06:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R1Budha
ahhh for the pessimists among us...
OMG I love this one ! Where can I buy the poster ?
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 06:47 PM
Rookie again
 
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Can someone find a photo for, "The beatings will continue until morale improves."


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If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 06:56 PM
 
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-07-2006, 07:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 04R1Belgium
OMG I love this one ! Where can I buy the poster ?
http://www.despair.com/


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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 06-08-2006, 05:53 AM
 
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