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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-13-2006, 01:12 AM Thread Starter
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Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late - again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to police the area.
I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial.
My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, "Kathy, Dirty Magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been properly cleaned."

===============================================

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
  • Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
  • Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
  • Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
  • Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
  • Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
  • Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
===========================================


Getting the Ship Under Way
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way.
The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules - make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."

======================================
A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Marine is better than ten taliban". The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
The voice then calls out "One Marine is better than one hundred taliban". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
The voice calls out again "One Marine is better than one thousand Taliban". The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men, its a trap. There's actually two of them.
======================================
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."
The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degrees west."
Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a navy captain! Change your course, sir!"
"I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."
Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"
There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call!"
=================================================
An Army Ranger was on vacation in Louisiana and wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes. However, the local vendors were asking very high prices. So the Army Ranger decided to go into the swamps and get his own alligator and then have the shoes made at a more reasonable price. When he mentioned this to one of the shopkeepers, he was told that he might run into a couple of Marines who had decided to do the same thing.
So the Ranger headed into the bayou and a few hours later he saw the two Marines. They were standing waist deep in the water. The Ranger then saw a huge gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.
The Ranger then heard one of the Marines shout, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
======================================
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan,
stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
======================================
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
======================================
A corporal needed to use a pay phone, but didn't have change for a dollar. He saw a private mopping the floors, and asked him, "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
The private replied, "Sure."
The corporal gave him an icy stare. He said, "That's no way to address a superior officer! Now let's try it again. Private, do you have change for a dollar?"
The private replied, "No, SIR!"
:pwnd
======================================
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut up!!!"
The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant"
======================================
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"
"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your
chickens until they hatch."
"That was a fine story Lucy." "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm; her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun; a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break; then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Don't fuck with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"
:gun
======================================
Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.
======================================
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
=====================================


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ONCE YOU'VE HAD ASIAN, YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH CAUCASIAN
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OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL ALWAYS OVERCOME YOUTH AND ENTHUSIASM
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-13-2006, 07:16 AM
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you got to much time on your hand Warp


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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-13-2006, 01:09 PM
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funny stories....

I think some of them are on snopes though...


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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-13-2006, 07:11 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Biga View Post


you got to much time on your hand Warp
Cut & Paste day yesterday :


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ONCE YOU'VE HAD ASIAN, YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH CAUCASIAN
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OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL ALWAYS OVERCOME YOUTH AND ENTHUSIASM
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-13-2006, 09:27 PM
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nice
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-16-2006, 10:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Warp Racer View Post
===============================================

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.
  • Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
  • Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
  • Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
  • Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
  • Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
  • Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
===========================================
http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-06-2007, 10:34 PM Thread Starter
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Bump


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ONCE YOU'VE HAD ASIAN, YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH CAUCASIAN
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OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL ALWAYS OVERCOME YOUTH AND ENTHUSIASM
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-06-2007, 11:05 PM
 
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... lighthouse is priceless
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-07-2007, 04:43 AM
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I like the Magazine one!


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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-07-2007, 01:33 PM
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I like the last one.

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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-07-2007, 05:47 PM
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lol nice post...lol


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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-07-2007, 06:08 PM
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 01-07-2007, 06:27 PM
 
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