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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 05:25 AM Thread Starter
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A joke..

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.



"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun?! Why would you say that? What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it made a hole in Juan."

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 05:29 AM
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boooooooooo


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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 06:23 AM
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LMAO, I like it.

HAIL TO THE KING!!

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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 06:35 AM
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USMC: We put the "laughter" back in Slaughter.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 06:50 AM
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 07:26 AM
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 11:57 AM
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A few from my daily mix


A midget is riding a bus when a blonde steps on him.
“Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going,” yells the midget.
The blonde looks down and says, “I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.”
The midget replies, “Not from where I'm standing.”



One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have:
Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers: "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and... One of Ken's Friends


A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."

"What do you mean?" said the doctor.

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."

The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"

"Why yes," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."


Why does Elton John play the piano?
Cause he sucks on an organ!!!!

A guy breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, he thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURNTHEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREF UL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."


A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked.

The cucumber said, "Man, my lifesucks. Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad."

"So," the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar."

The penis glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out."






two new members of a hunting lodge get intoduced to the lodges oldest member. they ask him to tell his fav. hunting story and he agrees.
"well back in 1944, in africa, " the old man starts, "we went big game hunting. we didnt have much luck at first, but on the third day, i was resting by a tree when i heard a noise. next thing i know, the biggest lion i hade ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this...RROOAARRR! well, i just shit my pants!"
the young men are amazed. one of them replies "well i dont blame you. id crap my pants too if a lion jumped out at me like that!"
the old shakes his head and says "no-no, not then-just now, when i said roar!"


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Last edited by R6Flyby; 11-29-2006 at 12:08 PM.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 04:26 PM
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Quote:
A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked.

The cucumber said, "Man, my lifesucks. Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad."

"So," the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar."

The penis glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out."
this one was funny



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"I don't like your jerk off name, I don't like your jerk off face, I don't like your jerk off behavior, and I don't like you...... jerk off!"
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 06:04 PM
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good ones!


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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 06:16 PM
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hahaha
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