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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
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Naughty Horoscope!

I FOUND THIS VERY INTERESTING!
Virgo- August 23 to September 22
This is the MOST confused sign on the planet. This sign is pretty
realistic: No Frills. They love to fuck in showers not because it's
kinky...but because of hygenic reasons...they are big into sanitaryissues.Every Virgo I have ever met has issues...always oing back to hygiene.They have to arrange time in their busy scheduals to have sex...But whena reservation is made...You had better be there on time, if not a littleearly. With flowers. And Clean.Virgos want to make their partner happy. That's it.
USUALLY. You will always get a freaky Virgo. Even so, they will TRY toget YOU to cum. And if they can't make you cum, they will buy someone orsomething that will.they love to make their partner happy.Yes you read that right.
They LIVE to masturbate...whether its you rubbing them, them rubbingyou...them rubbing against your fox fur coat...whatever! they are verysexual people.usually always horny.!!!Some Virgos WANT to be punished. They will donaughty things to be caught so they can be punished. They are perfectfor Aries who want to punish SOMEBODY. Anybody! Pretend rape scenes alsoturn on Virgos. As long as they know they are secretly safe. If you haveever seen the Carnival Rape scene in 'Henry & June' this is a Virgo wetdream.
----
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
--Don't tease them. It will only piss them off.
Taureans are realists. If you say that you are horny:
Prepare to be fucked. Taureans are heavy indulgers, though. All forms ofindulgence:Sex-drugs-wine-food...whatever their vice may be: they simply cannot getenough. They do not believe in moderation. They will fuck until they are
sore. Taurus likes to have sex just for the sake of having sex.
What they lack in originality, they make up for in stamina and
endurance.Okay...so they may not be into bondage, okay? But they WILL lick youuntil you have at least three orgasms or until you pass out...whichevercomes first. Taurus uses their tongue for EVERYthing...and I mean that.They love to lick people in whipped cream, alcohol, chocolate, flesh andcandy???Bring it on! Caution: They are looking for a relationship so be
kind to them.They also have a BIG wet thing for scent. Sometimes they don't want alover to bathe before sex. Or you may find them shaggin in a garden or agreenhouse...to smell the dirt: After all, they are Earth signs.
--------
Aries (March 21- April-19)
LIVES for head massages. ANY part of their head: Lips, Eyelids, Eyes,Tongue, you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places duringbusiness hours. You need to be open minded with an Aries...If you don'tfeel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets: TellThem. Be warned! IF you don't want to be kinky, don't be with an Aries.
If you say 'No'too often to them you may lose them as a lover forever.Aries Idea of Heaven Is: Participating in live sex shows for money.Having their favorite human toy win first place in a pony boy/girl race.Fucking as an art form on display in a gallery. They secretly crave tobe strippers or Annie Sprinkle. Aries LIVES to be jealous...they alsolike to coordinate other people fucking. Secretly desire to be fluffers.Aries owned a Violet Wand before it was popular. They are also Sadists.The best gift to give an Aries is designer colored nylon rope in theirfavorite color. They live to tease and torture...HEY...Somebody's gotta
do it, right?They like hair pulling. Beware of their 'toy'
collections. Don't tease them...they will rape you.
They love pony boys and girls...I cannot emphasize this enough! Theyike it doggie style especially if they are steering. Give an Aries 100feet of rope and a 250 dollar flogger, they will follow. As long as theyget to be the one holding the handle.
-------
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Ever heard the saying "Been there. Done that?" chances are it came froma Gemini. They are always changing...they are the eternal Chameleon. Younever know who you are fucking that day.They have had sex.A lot of sex.Probably because they are in a constant state of flux...always lookingfor the new high.
The biggest turn on for a Gemini is: LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.Here is just a smattering of places that I know Geminis have fucked: Inthe elevator of the moseleum of Forest Lawn Cemetary DURING A FUNERAL.Wine cellars in nightclubs. Vip Areas of Theatres. Public Parks.The 18th Hole of a private golf course. In the center of a race trackjust as the flag was going up. On various Gym equipment at numeroushealth spas.
A football stadium during the SuperBowl. A Balcony railing at MardisGras in the French Quarter...just to name a few.
If it's shiny...they will want it. They are big on DRAMA so be preparedfor them to set the mood for sex no matter WHERE you might end up. TheyWILL take the initiative. They live off their charm. If they are maleand gay they will still be the greatest fuck your female friend has everad. Go figure. They are also Voyeurs but always willing to lend a hand... or any other part of anatomy. If they are depressed, suck on theirfingers, that always seems to cheer them up.Their goal is to fuck in the front row of the OSCARS when the cameraspans on them so that they can wave.
-------
Cancer (June 22 - July 22) -- 69
This is the sign that needs to be cuddled. They may believe that theywere born in the wrong period or century. They DWELL in thepast...Victorian...Roman...Medieval...You name it.
They usually will only fuck at night...come to think of it...they fuckbetter at night anyway. Maybe its because they are ruled by the Moon.This is a sign that is looking for TRUE love...I mean REAL TRUE DEEPLOVE...that 'Romancing The Stone' Frikkin 'Wuthering Heights' kind oflove.They probably cry at the end of any Jane Austen flick. They want to beswept off of their feet. They really do deserve it, too. They areconstantly dumped on by previous past fucktard ex lovers that think they
own them.Sometimes Cancers pick the wrong guy/girl and get beat up or emotionallyhurt. Why? They think its what they deserve. Which is bullshit. They arewonderful people. They love water sports(jacuzzis/pools/showers/saunas/bathouses...)
They want to be comfortable while fucking...oh sure the foreplay mayhave had you bent over a barstool...but when you get home they wantcomfy couches, beds, fluffy pillows, anything soft and fuzzy that is nota pet.Cancerians also have a horrible tendency to misplace their clothing.Highly Exhibitionistic. They live for Oral...as long as it tastes good.
Karma Sutra honey dust is a good start...mints...ice cream..anythingwith sugar...fruit...Don't rush them they smolder. But when you getstarted, be ready for a long night. They like to play with ice cubes,too. Also nipples are a BIG thing for Crabs...they all secretly wish toget their nipples pierced. Can be submissive highly.Masturbation is where they get their bonus points at.Be warned: They like 'em YOUNG...so you better be ready to dress up likean Animation school boy/girl with a whip to keep 'em.
---
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)--
Let the games begin! Libra will try anything once.
Twice to make sure they liked it. Three times to be absolutely sure. Donot touch a Libra's head during oral sex...that may work with an Aries,but not here.Libras LOVE giving oral - They LOVE getting it , too.But don't feel like they get enough...too bad, because they sure as hellare getting enough of everything else. They will buy toys to make YOUuse it on THEM.Libras are mental creatures that believe in living and fulfillingfantasies that they haven't done in real life...which is rare becausethey have done almost EVERYTHING. They have no problem sploshing. To
them, sitting in a pie COULD be fun. Porn? Bring it on! Sex, video ANDfood? ALRIGHT! They are heavily exhibitionistic by accident. They areaccident prone, they lose bras, underware, condoms....they alsoaccidentally end up in bed with people. Amazing how THAT works! Theylike to cross dress. Both sexes do this quite well, actually. MaleLibrans are mistaken for women all the time, and Female Libras aremistaken for men every now and again too...its because they are underthe goddess Aphrodite. They are never just ONE sex. They can always feel
what the opposite sex feels.Which is why they are rarely clingy, except in rare circumstances whenthey have been led on, then watch the manipulative side of the scalesswing. They love to role play and play dress up. They like to dress likehookers or Queen Elizabeth (This is the men,too!) Who are they really? It depends on what day of the week it is.They believe that life is too short to date ugly people in more waysthan one. So if you are being shagged by a Libra, there is a goodreason.
Whether you are attractive physically, emotionally, mentally or have afantastic sense of humor, there is always a reason for a Libra to befucking you. But they HATE vulgarity. They despise feeling like they areon a waiting list to get your ttention...worse yet, feeling like theyare your groupie. That won't last long, then. They have already figuredout HOW to destroy you...now they are biding their time to see how longuntil they throw YOU away...with nothing.But, if you get past all that, expect long luxurious nights talking andplaying Strip Tarot or Naked Chess.
They are the Graceful Slut...but not slutty and yet accident prone. Ifyou are going to fuck a Libra: Get mirrors. Lots of them. They have morevanity issues than a Gemini. Nothing is TOO kinky for them. They are theeternal Courtesan or Concubine. They are sex therapists, porn writers
who knows?

LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22)
If you fuck up just once with a Leo...That's IT. Don't be expecting themto take you back. They are not willing victims, after all, they CHOSEyou...you screwed up? They can UN-Choose you just the same. They livefor Menage a Trois...or Qua...or Cinco....anything in a group is okay aslong as they are in the middle. Leos also like bubble baths. Once youstart with a Leo...do not think you can just turn their emotions on or
off like a switch...they demand satisfaction. NOW. All the stress in theworld ends up in the Leo neck...They need ckrubs...they feel like theyhave the entire weight of the world on their head. If its kinky, a Leohas probably done it..You know Madonna's a LEO, right? She masters theMadonna/Whore/Goddess thing pretty well, huh? I wonder why? Could it because shes a fuckin' LEO? yep.Valmont was probably a Leo. They probably have the movie at home. Getout your furry gloves and faux mink whips for this kitten. they lovesoft floggers and there isa specific spot on their back right abovetheir tailbone that is heaven to them where if touched right willactually make them purr...you think I'm bullshitting you? Try it, I dareya. Leo likes doing doggystyle that's a given. As long as it feels good,ut leos also like missionary if they are in love with there lover thatis the most intimate position as you two look in each other eyes. Their
underwear is always..er..interesting to say the least, if they are
wearing any. They LIVE for boudoir photography. They LOVE to bephotographed. If they can afford a nude or semi nude photo of them..doit now. Leos are born and bred to be porn stars...even if they act prudeabout it..they have thought about it.The best sex partner is a Taurus.. Leos love them... Rubies jewelsusually are their love. Love to have their hair brushed and played with.You had better be vocal in bed with them...they want to hear how wellthey are doing. If a Leo has chosen YOU as a mate. Just accept it andenjoy the ride.Be prepared for anything. They have no problem tying you down. They ARE
the naughty school teacher, the pirate captain, the gypsy king andCleopatra all rolled into one.


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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
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CONT'd
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
HOLEY SHIT! here comes the masters and mistresses of FUCKing Sorry Leo,but Scorps ARE the leaders in the Kink O Rama factor (Leos are in secondplace, so don't worry that much leos) Scorpios KNOW how to seduce.They KNOW what is kinky.
They are highly manipulative.hey KNOW how to get you to do what THEY want.hey KNOW how to fuck.And they are making room for modifications.All they have to do is walk into a room and look at you, and you WILL beon your back assuming the position.Anne Rice (During her 'Beauty' phase) wants to be a Scorpio. Leos andScorpios make for a fabulous tryst.
they are the BEST in bed together..but if the emotions are not therethen that's a different story. Don't dare TRY to make a Scorpiojealous...they will duct tape you to a chair and make you watch themfuck your boss..or your sister/brother..or Mother...hell, that's theiridea of a typical normal Thursday night. They love to use gag balls.They always have carpet burns on their knees and back...this is fromtheir constant rutting like a wild weasel in heat. They are also very
cunning and secretive. They have a fetish for riding crops and bridles.Most Scorpios have mastered the Binaca Blowjob for heightened andelongated pleasure.I hope you can go the distance and can make them come...otherwise gods
help ya.Favorite Song: Master and Servant.Most female Scorpios have a horrible tendency of being AlcoholLesbians...get them drunk enough they will kiss a girl...or two....orthree...or five....but beware their sting!
---------
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Right out the chute I am going to tell you...THEY LOVE TO BE SHAVED.True love is being shaved.Sagittarius love is being shaved by someone they love.And they LOVE to travel.
They are constantly moving.They are always packing and going somewhere. They are the outdoorsytype.Why fuck in a tent when you can be surrounded by Sequoias under amoonlit night and have sex? Sags will Fuck Everywhere! Most Sags flash
body parts and are closet nudists. They will be the first to registerfor nude volleyball at the nudist resort.Don't get me wrong, they have a TON of provocative clothing at home, but
they like to be naked.EVERYWHERE.They don't know why its against the law to drive naked in a convertable
especially. It just doesn't seem right. Downright Anti-American to them.They are also bleeding heart causefighters. They believe that sex is abiological function amongst friends...why fight it when you can fuck it?A perfect night for them is to :
Talk. Fuck. Talk. Fuck. Go out and look at sea otters..Pick some
flowers...Talk. Fuck. Laugh. Have a drink. Talk. Fuck. Dinner. Fuck.Sleep. Fuck and Fuck some more!Male Sags have more fetishes than a female Sag. Footfetishes...Lingerie...Female Sags are nature loverso it in the bushes, Sex on the beach, in the ocean, hell behind thelocal laundrymat! Kinky? they Love Kinky. Wear that pirate getup forthese girls, they'll be on their knees in a heartbeat. They'll dresskinky and skip the panties under a short skirt if you're going out onthe town, just to get you going, and I do mean going~ these girls wantit all night long!
Whipped cream, body oils and bondage,Licking and sucking, whatever ittakes to keep the party going! .They believe in doing it and doing it often! fucking before the moviestarts..., fucking at the theatre during the previews and maybe a quick
blowjob on the way home.Sag females love sexing up your whole body! Give them a chance, therewon't be a body part they haven't sucked licked or fucked!You can touchthem anywhere and they got hott cause they're freaky like that! They
love leg rubs and jacuzzis, this is because their thighs are a hot
spot...They'll be the ones holding you up fucking in the closet at yourfriends housewarming party at two in the morning. They are built for lotand lots of sex in any way shape or form, kinky or slow teasing, fastand hard or slow and easy~ if you want to get your freak on,Sagittarians are the way to go! None of the other signs love Sex as Muchas a Sag!

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Just as I was writing this one, my Capricorn friend proceeds to callme...Capricorns are psychic by accident. They have no idea the fatessmile on them from time to time...they just accept it an move on.You can turn on a Cappie just by breathing on them.
They are strong and responsible and have dignity. But they are too easyto turn on sometimes. And watch out when they are horny...whoever is inthe room better have protection. They are natural screamers and leavebite marks. they like sex a lot as a favorite past time. Usually durinigcommercial breaks is perfect.
Its nothing for a Cappie to fuck seven or eight times during commercialbreaks in an hour long T.V. Show.They like to do it in the shower...on the furniture...on other peoplesfurniture...on other peoples beds...Cars...Tents...boats....yep, if they
are in the mood...it could be at the Presiden't inaugeration...get readyfor some nookie!They love to bite.They might seem at first sight of them rather cold and insensitive.But when they warm up?There is no stopping them.They like to have the back of their knees licked.They live for tongue massages.They think porno is just SILLY...who thought THAT up?ut they will watch it to see if they are missing anything.Give them dim lighting, a roaring fireplace and a nice bottle ofwine...you might as well reconcile yourself to the fact that you betterleave the phones off for the entire weekend and order food in.
They like to play games...as long as they are in charge.
This is a misunderstood sign...they can be very kinky.
As long as it is with people they love.
-----
Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb. 18) --
MY favorite sluts are Aquarius. Why? Because if you don't expectanythin in return, you won't be disappointed. Sounds easy, huh? Theywill get under your skin though, so beware. It's easy to be hurt by anquarius because they don't want you to know what they are thinking. Ifthey are silent but you are in the room with them...chances are they aren heavy thought. But don't worry, chances are they are thinking aboutyou...and fifteen other things. Water bearers look at sex like it is a
form of recess. They can turn you on by simply walking in the room. Theyare the Rain Man of the Zodiac.They give too much of themselves to others that don't give a shit...thenget shy to those that care about them.Go figure.They like kinky. They are easy going. To them, it's a learningexperience.Male Aquarians like to tease and live life in a fantasy world. Female
Aquarians can't masturbate enough...Males never get the chance tomasturbate because everybody wants a piece of them.They like their ankles nibbled. They love back massages. Their ultimateadventure is the "But we might get caught" game.
They will fuck wherever they run the risk of being seen or found byanother lover. Don't expect faithfulness from these creatures...it'sjust not in their DNA. They are open minded to the point that anythingshiny will derail their train of thought.
Fucking while standing or leaning is a plus here. Fuck with their mindand they will follow you anywhere.They enjoy being fucked in groups of three. Think being Jack Nicholson
in bed with the three Witches of Eastwick? This is a Aquarian dream.They need you to make the first move. Not to be dominated. But to bringthem back to earth now and again for a little physical funtime. They getlost in the clouds a lot. Don't derail from your personal pleasurecourse, however, otherwise you will be just talking to them all night.which can be stimulating just as well too. Beware!They are the flirts and teases from HELL! Never take one on a trip to aHome Depot when you are both horny.This can lead to nasty things.
----
Pisces (Feb. 19- Mar. 20)
Get out the boots - Stilletto heels - foot creams and panty hose...herecome da fishies!They are the LEADERS in foot fetish. Masturbation in shoes? Okay. Toemasturbation...bring it on! They love using their feet.Suck on a Pisceans toes and SEE what happens!Fucking in the water and see them squirm.
Pisces have probably done it in a sex swing. Or at least considered howstrong the ceiling beams are on their house to put one in. Pisces menbreak furniture when they fuck...things get flung everywhere.Pisces can be turned on by the wierdest
things...Trains...Water fountains...Jump rope...Whatever. They are thesirens calling you to the beach where you will end up on your back on atowel with water all over you and not wanting it to stop.I have heard it said that its the pisces that will cross the darkerkinky side at least once...just to say "YEP. did that. Not that great"OR "What do you MEAN you never......" SAM from sex and the city shouldbe a Pisces. These babes are perfectionists. You will have a perfectorgasm with them...so will they..in fact, they strive for perfection ineverything they do...it's all in th details for them. There will not be
ONE hair out of place with a Pisces. All of their fetish jewlery will
match a specific whip or dress or shoes.EVERYTHING MUST MATCH! I have one Pisces friend that has nipple tassles
that match for every pair of underware and whip that she owns! NO SHIT!You might think they are shy! HA! They are just planning something. Ihad a Pisces Friend (Same Pisces friend with the matching tassles by theway) who was at a nudist beach in Brazil (You will always find a Piscesat a beach...its inbred in them) A middle aged man in his early 50's or
so came up to her and immediately saw her body and BABING! got a hardon!Not feeling shocked in any way, shape or form, she walked right up tohim and put her hand on his cock for a moment , then with her same handtook her sunglasses off , looked him RIGHT in the eye and said "DAHLING,your erection is SUPERB!" and she walked off never to see him again.You never can tell what the hell a Pisces will do, but I guarantee that
it will be SUPERB!SECRET: Pisces women fall for a man that can wear a high heel andgarter.And look good


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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 06:58 PM
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Quote:
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Right out the chute I am going to tell you...THEY LOVE TO BE SHAVED.True love is being shaved.Sagittarius love is being shaved by someone they love.And they LOVE to travel.
They are constantly moving.They are always packing and going somewhere. They are the outdoorsytype.Why fuck in a tent when you can be surrounded by Sequoias under a moon lit night and have sex? Sags will Fuck Everywhere! Most Sags flash body parts and are closet nudists. They will be the first to register for nude volleyball at the nudist resort.Don't get me wrong, they have a TON of provocative clothing at home, but they like to be naked.EVERYWHERE.They don't know why its against the law to drive naked in a convertable
especially. It just doesn't seem right. Downright Anti-American to them.They are also bleeding heart cause fighters. They believe that sex is a biological function amongst friends...why fight it when you can fuck it?A perfect night for them is to :
Talk. Fuck. Talk. Fuck. Go out and look at sea otters..Pick some flowers...Talk. Fuck. Laugh. Have a drink. Talk. Fuck. Dinner. Fuck.Sleep. Fuck and Fuck some more!Male Sags have more fetishes than a female Sag. Footfetishes...Lingerie...Female Sags are nature loverso it in the bushes, Sex on the beach, in the ocean, hell behind thelocal laundrymat! Kinky? they Love Kinky. Wear that pirate getup forthese girls, they'll be on their knees in a heartbeat. They'll dresskinky and skip the panties under a short skirt if you're going out onthe town, just to get you going, and I do mean going~ these girls wantit all night long!
Whipped cream, body oils and bondage,Licking and sucking, whatever ittakes to keep the party going! .They believe in doing it and doing it often! fucking before the moviestarts..., fucking at the theatre during the previews and maybe a quick
blowjob on the way home.Sag females love sexing up your whole body! Give them a chance, therewon't be a body part they haven't sucked licked or fucked!You can touchthem anywhere and they got hott cause they're freaky like that! They
love leg rubs and jacuzzis, this is because their thighs are a hot
spot...They'll be the ones holding you up fucking in the closet at yourfriends housewarming party at two in the morning. They are built for lotand lots of sex in any way shape or form, kinky or slow teasing, fastand hard or slow and easy~ if you want to get your freak on,Sagittarians are the way to go! None of the other signs love Sex as Muchas a Sag!
these horoscopes are for women. or Biga :biga


but I'll take a girl in my Sign..



Never pay again for live sex! | Hot girls doing naughty stuff for free! | Chat for free!


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"I don't like your jerk off name, I don't like your jerk off face, I don't like your jerk off behavior, and I don't like you...... jerk off!"
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-29-2006, 08:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rinn View Post
these horoscopes are for women. or Biga :biga



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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-30-2006, 12:15 AM
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That described me to a T! LOL

"Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
--Don't tease them. It will only piss them off.
Taureans are realists. If you say that you are horny:
Prepare to be fucked. Taureans are heavy indulgers, though. All forms ofindulgence:Sex-drugs-wine-food...whatever their vice may be: they simply cannot getenough. They do not believe in moderation. They will fuck until they are
sore. Taurus likes to have sex just for the sake of having sex.
What they lack in originality, they make up for in stamina and
endurance.Okay...so they may not be into bondage, okay? But they WILL lick youuntil you have at least three orgasms or until you pass out...whichevercomes first. Taurus uses their tongue for EVERYthing...and I mean that.They love to lick people in whipped cream, alcohol, chocolate, flesh andcandy???Bring it on! Caution: They are looking for a relationship so be
kind to them.They also have a BIG wet thing for scent. Sometimes they don't want alover to bathe before sex. Or you may find them shaggin in a garden or agreenhouse...to smell the dirt: After all, they are Earth signs."
post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-30-2006, 02:43 AM
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So in short Aquarians are weird?

btw it's spelled naughty not nauty
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-30-2006, 07:35 AM
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they're all kinda weird and I don't find alot of them to be that accurate. Moreso than the other thread tho I guess

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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-30-2006, 08:57 AM
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scorpio!
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 11-30-2006, 09:00 AM
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i found them to be pretty damn close.


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