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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-19-2007, 02:46 AM Thread Starter
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Talking Genie and his lamp wish jokes

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich.
"That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The bartender asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."


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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-19-2007, 06:12 AM
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Har!


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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-19-2007, 02:51 PM
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heh
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-19-2007, 05:42 PM
 
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LOLOL I love "walks into a bar" regardless of the cheese.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-19-2007, 05:59 PM
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Hahahaaha....... good one.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-03-2008, 07:59 PM Thread Starter
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's enjoying it, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, he somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, 'Did you see what your monkey did?'

The guy says, 'No, what?'

'He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!'

'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replies the guy. 'He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything.'

The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

'Did you see what your monkey did now?' he asks.

'No, what?' replies the guy.

'Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out, and ate it!' says the bartender.

'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replies the guy. 'He still eats everything in sight but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first.



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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 06-03-2008, 09:41 PM
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man walks into a bar and sits down, opens up his briefcase and pulls out a miniature person about a foot tall and a properly scaled piano. He orders a drink and the bartender asks him about the little guy. The man responds that he'd gotten the 1 man orchestra by wishing from a lamp. The bartender is amazed and asks if he's still got the magic lamp, the man replies that he does have the lamp, and that if the bartender really wants to, he can wish from it, but recommends against it.

"why wouldn't I want a wish granted from a genie?"
"he's hard of hearing, do you really think that I asked for a 12" pianist?"

HAIL TO THE KING!!

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