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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-19-2007, 03:01 AM Thread Starter
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Talking Extracts from Actual Medical Records

A collection of documentation statements actually found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health care professionals:
  • The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
  • Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
  • The skin was moist and dry.
  • Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
  • She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
  • The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
  • I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
  • The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
  • Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
  • She is numb from her toes down.
  • Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
  • While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
  • The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
  • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
  • Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
  • Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
  • Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.
  • Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  • When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
  • She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  • On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  • The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
  • Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
  • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  • The patient refused autopsy.
  • The patient has no previous history of suicides.
  • Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
  • Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
  • Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  • Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
  • The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
  • Skin: somewhat pale but present.
  • The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
  • Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
  • Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
  • Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


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ONCE YOU'VE HAD ASIAN, YOU WILL NEVER TOUCH CAUCASIAN
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-19-2007, 10:25 AM
 
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-19-2007, 09:06 PM
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Circus Sized....LMAO!!! We had a guy once in the ambulance who said he needed to "get all them damn orgasms out of his system" so the infection would clear up.


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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-20-2007, 07:10 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LarsR1 View Post
Circus Sized....LMAO!!! We had a guy once in the ambulance who said he needed to "get all them damn orgasms out of his system" so the infection would clear up.

Wasn't Val was it?


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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-20-2007, 10:40 PM
 
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I had a medical student the other day that I was pimping. So I asked him the next step in the management of a certain patient, and he replies "CT scan with biopsy" ... and we all just stopped and stared at him.

I have another friend in residency and she was paged at 4am by a nurse. So she comes to the ward and the nurse asks "doc, we don't have anymore vitamin B12 injections, can I give the patient two vitamin B6 injections instead?"
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 07-21-2007, 12:25 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doc750 View Post
I have another friend in residency and she was paged at 4am by a nurse. So she comes to the ward and the nurse asks "doc, we don't have anymore vitamin B12 injections, can I give the patient two vitamin B6 injections instead?"
Was she serious or joking?
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