The Gunny doesn't sleep with a night light. The Gunny isn't afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the Gunny. The Gunny once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now called The Gunny's Islands. The Gunny once counted to infinity . . . twice! The Gunny frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own. Superman owns a pair of Gunny pajamas. The Gunny has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and includes a picture of himself. If the Gunny is late, then time had damn well better slow down. The Gunny has the greatest Poker Face ever. He once won the 1982 World Series of Poker despite the fact that he held only a
Joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a Monopoly
Get-Out-Of-Jail card, and a green number 4 UNO card. The Gunny once sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled strength. He then beat up the devil and took back his soul. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. When the Gunny was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay:
"What is courage?" The Gunny received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top. The Gunny actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
The Gunny refers to himself in the fourth person.
The Gunny can divide by zero. If the Gunny ever calls your house, be in! The Gunny doesn't leave messages; he leaves warnings. The Gunny can slam a revolving door. The Gunny was sending an email one day, when he realized that It would be faster to run. One time in an airport a guy accidentally called the Gunny "buddy." He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. The Gunny accepted his apology and politely shook hands. The
guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself. When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into the Gunny. When the Gunny exercises, the machine gets stronger. The Gunny once played Jenga. The result was the Empire State Building. Bullets dodge the Gunny.
The Gunny once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink . . . once. The first lunar eclipse took place after the Gunny challenged the sun to a staring contest. The sun blinked first. The Gunny never used a question mark in his entire life. He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness.
So don't FUCK with the Gunny!!!