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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:14 PM Thread Starter
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My Breakdown!!

I would be against this... but im hurtin soo bad. I hate life soo bad right now. I hate god. It seems like I am being punished for everything... I just found out my grandmother has 1-3 weeks to live due to lukemia... My other grandma needs brain surgery to survive and my uncle has no kidneys and has amonia and may not live...


I blame god for this shit and have no where left to look for support.. My heart is broken and Id rather be punished for this bullshit. I love my grandmother like my 2nd mother and to know she has 1-3 weeks to live breaks my heart.. I dont know what to do anymore, it feels like my heart is being ripped out...
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:30 PM
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As an Agnostic I can't help you dealing with God... But I don't see the reason that you are being punished? Why would you be punished, your grandma didn't get lukemia because you did something... I know it hurts to lose someone you love but you are not being punished and neither are they.


I've lost a lot of people in my life, from disease to murder I know life can get you down and kick you while you are there. But you need to focus on the times you spent with them not the time you have left with em. A lot of the times a good friend will lend his/her ear to help you deal with this... We are here for ya but it's hard to help when we all live in different states and countries. If anything you might want to look into finding someone to talk to in San Diego look up mental health and you can find a counselor to talk to also..



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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:35 PM Thread Starter
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its hard.. she lost her husband a year ago( my grandmpa) they took care of me when i was a child, whe my parents worked to pay off their bills.. She doesnt deserve to go thru this.

I woudnt have posted this here, but its been bottled up inside since friday and I couldnt hold it in no longer.... She dont deserve to go out like this... I've never felt like this before.. I really tried to keep myself contained.. but my love for my family is soo much important... Since I found out this, I have been in sooo much pain... Its about to be Two close people in my life gone..
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:37 PM
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i also dont consider myself a christian so dont know about the god stuff. it sucks but the best thing you can do is spend as much time with her as you can. most of us take paerents etc for granted until its too late. after she passed celebrate her life rather than mourn her death. i know its hard but in six days it will be 4 years since my dad died. i just try to stick with the things he taught me.
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:37 PM
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sorry to hear this man You aren't being punished though. Life just has it's ups and downs. I just got over a hurdle as well...You'll get through it as hard as it might be. You have a lot of friends here also that will help you. You know how to contact me bro! Enjoy your time with her then. My dad's mother just died w/o warning and he wasn't able to see her a year or two before that, but he didn't know anything was wrong until it was too late. As hard as it might be, at least you know you should spend a lot of time with her. It could have just happened and that would be worse you know...Just cherish the time you have and hope the doctors are wrong. If you need anything then you know how to contact me bro...


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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:38 PM
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Hate is a strong word bro.... Don't hate anyone or anything.

You will get through this tough time in life and you will be a stronger person for it.

I know sometimes life seems that it's not fair, but keep your head up and you will make it through this.

We are here to listen... but please don't hate anything.... it will only make it worse.



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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:43 PM Thread Starter
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My grandma is soo important to me. She doesnt deserve to go out like this. Her husband died to lung cancer and she is such a sweet heart.. I saw her yesterday and she was cookin for the family when she should have been spending time with the family....

She acts like nothing is going to happen...

My heart breaks sooo bad. I may be young but I love my family soo much. I love my grandma and to know she has 1-3 weeks to live breaks my heart......
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellbound View Post
its hard.. she lost her husband a year ago( my grandmpa) they took care of me when i was a child, whe my parents worked to pay off their bills.. She doesnt deserve to go thru this.

I woudnt have posted this here, but its been bottled up inside since friday and I couldnt hold it in no longer.... She dont deserve to go out like this... I've never felt like this before.. I really tried to keep myself contained.. but my love for my family is soo much important... Since I found out this, I have been in sooo much pain... Its about to be Two close people in my life gone..
Nobody deserves to go through anything like that... I think you need to stop keeping it contained or acting the way people think you should act. You need to talk this out with someone not just on here but with a counselor/therapist they can help you more than just our words on this forum... I feel for you I've seen my grandparents go out slowly it's not something you like to see or want someone you love to go through but what you can do is be there for them....


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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:46 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rinn View Post
Nobody deserves to go through anything like that... I think you need to stop keeping it contained or acting the way people think you should act. You need to talk this out with someone not just on here but with a counselor/therapist they can help you more than just our words on this forum... I feel for you I've seen my grandparents go out slowly it's not something you like to see or want someone you love to go through but what you can do is be there for them....


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I will not go to any mental forum or counsoler... Thats not the suggestion i needed!
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:49 PM
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If you haven't tried it then you don't know that it wont help.... close friends work wonders in this type of issue too.

Whatever you do, don't start drinking.



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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:51 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by R1LOVER View Post
If you haven't tried it then you don't know that it wont help.... close friends work wonders in this type of issue too.

Whatever you do, don't start drinking.
thats a lil kinda late... just delete this thread..
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:51 PM
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just my opinion but like i said spend as much time with her as possible and let her know how much you love her. not trying to be a dick but although you are hurting imagine what she is feeling. its not just about you its about her. be strong for her. try and let her go with her pride and your love to comfort her.
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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 09:52 PM
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another option is to talk to your grandma and let her know how you feel. If she's as good as you say and it sounds like she is then i'm sure she's full of wisdom and will help you. Talk to her in a private conversation and explain how hurt you are and how you feel. Nothing wrong with that and i'm sure she'll be able to talk things out with you and explain why she is acting like nothing is going on. Spend all the time you can with her, but maybe even talk to another relative that you are close with.

I wouldn't go see a stranger either, but I do talk to my family and am very close with them. It sounds like you are also...so go to them and talk things out with them bro...


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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-04-2007, 10:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellbound View Post
I will not go to any mental forum or counsoler... Thats not the suggestion i needed!
What do you want me to say? I don't have any magic words to take the pain away. It sucks loosing someone you love.

I understand your pain but sometimes you have to let go of the ones you love. You have to except it and understand that they will no longer be in pain, remember the good times you had with them.



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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-05-2007, 12:55 AM
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Im very sorry you are going through this , I lost my parents and all but one of my grandparents when I was younger. I took it hard . life seems like a bitch when you are going thru this. I went from anger to sorrow to hate to denial to fear to depression. eventually you get better.
I've seen the super devout christians mourn with heavy hearts over the loss of someone , im a weak christian with doubt and fear and know it hurts. talk to your grandma, it will help you both deal with the pain you are feeling.
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post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-05-2007, 04:21 AM
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bro....I'm probably not qualified to offer counseling services to my dogs if they get depressed, much less a real human. So, I'll just tell you what I know to be truth.
1-Your family needs you to be strong
2-You have extended family here to listen
3-It's ok to be upset, venting is a good thing

You obviously have a VERY close relationship with your family, something many of us don't have, so even though you are going through this consider yourself fortunate to have felt all of that love. We are here to act as a sounding board.


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post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-05-2007, 12:15 PM
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Life can be cruel sometimes, that is what you are facing right now.

You have to be strong, that is all I can tell you.


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post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-05-2007, 12:37 PM Thread Starter
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thanks guys.. I have kept alot bottled in.. I am usually like that and i just had a big breakdown... Im mostlikely going to take some time off work and spend the last few weeks with her. I dont like the last past year, lost my grandfather who I was very close with, and she had a bad year loosing her husband and now this. Atleast they will be with each other soon...
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post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-05-2007, 01:49 PM
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If you need anything let us know. Like it was said already, nobody here is a councelor, but everyone is willing to do what they can to help you as you go through this.


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post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 11-05-2007, 01:51 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gsxcorey View Post
If you need anything let us know. Like it was said already, nobody here is a councelor, but everyone is willing to do what they can to help you as you go through this.
thanks i appreciate it. This I why i love this site, we can talk trash and have fun and yet people care thanks everyone
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