You think you had a bad day at work
Received this in email from a friend today, pretty old, but funny none the less...
Doug is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of
Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.
Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline
and won the contest (he wasn't thrilled with her for that one). Anyway,
anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this guy.
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so
I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not
so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened, I must bore you
with a few technicalities of my job. This time of year the water is quite
cool, even with a wetsuit. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a
diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of shit sucks
the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temp. It then pumps it
down to the diver through a garden hose which is taped to the air hose. Now
this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no
complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well
until all of a sudden, my ass-hole started to itch. So, of course,
I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my
ass started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was
done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine
had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is worse than
the poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back.
I don't have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to
my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I
thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5
other divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the
dive. It totaled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for decompression.
I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and
gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board, the medic, with tears
of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me
to shove it "up my ass" when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire
out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my asshole was swollen
shut. Anyway the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of
me.Think how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish
up your ass. I hope you have no bad days at the office. But if you do, I hope
this will make it more tolerable.