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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-10-2009, 11:54 PM Thread Starter
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**Craigslist Ads**

Ok so it's 1:45 am, I am still wide awake and quite bored. Usually when this happens I find myself searching craigslist for ads that are humorous. I think this would be a fun thread to have as a "Sticky" so everytime someone ran across something funny or odd, they could just post it here.

Also,

MAKE SURE IF YOU FIND A GOOD AD TO POST, YOU COPY AND PASTE THE TEXT AND/OR PICTURE HERE. DONT JUST POST THE LINK.

Alot of times the really good ads will get flagged/removed.

Ok I will start with one that made me chuckle.




Monday - after work - the wissota gordy's. We passed in frozen foods, you were buying Hungry Man's, i was the Hungry Woman across the aisle. You: smelled like woodsmoke and chili, had kitty litter in your cart, so i know your a softie. Lets get together and heat up these dinners with the spark i know we started - respond and tell me the bird on my sweatshirt so i know that its you.

Last edited by Matt; 03-10-2009 at 11:56 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-11-2009, 05:45 PM
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Ahhhh yes the gamble......


To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…


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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-11-2009, 08:39 PM
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hahaha thats just wrong
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-11-2009, 08:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirtbuddy420 View Post
Ahhhh yes the gamble......


To the woman that crapped in my car… (NE Portland)

We met on Craigslist so I am hoping that this post finds you. I know that it could quite possibly be the most humiliating first date that you have ever been on, but I am willing to look past that.

I thought we had chemistry sitting at McMenamins sharing that basket of Cajun Tots while drinking the Terminator Stout. I really felt like there was a connection there. I found you to be intelligent and witty and looked forward to further conversation with you.

At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost. It just happened to be on a first date in the passenger seat of my car. Please don't feel bad. The package I sent you with Pepto the next day and the note that said "First dates are always a crap shoot. Call me" was meant to be funny, not offensive.

I have gambled on a fart and lost on multiple occasions. The first time I did it was very memorable. It happened when I was five and sitting on my uncle's lap. I am lactose intolerant, but love cheese. I probably win 95% of the time, but I don't think anyone wins 100% of the time. That's why they call it "gambling". I'm the last person to judge you for crapping your pants. In fact, I am impressed by your boldness. The timing on the other hand, could have been a tad bit better...like when you're not sitting on a heated leather seat...

What I am trying to say is that if you want to go out again, I would be more than happy to take you someplace where we can get a meal that is high in fiber and less taxing on the digestive tract.

I await your call,
Tad

P.S. - If you shat yourself on purpose to end the evening early…Touché…

Oh my god that is fucking hilarious



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"I don't like your jerk off name, I don't like your jerk off face, I don't like your jerk off behavior, and I don't like you...... jerk off!"
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-12-2009, 01:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rinn View Post
Oh my god that is fucking hilarious


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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-12-2009, 10:33 AM
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I love these

We have a thread on the gFN site on them


http://www.gixxer-forum.net/forum/sh...ght=craigslist


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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-13-2009, 09:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rinn View Post
Oh my god that is fucking hilarious
got that one as a cell phone text foreward


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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-13-2009, 11:28 PM
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http://www.fugly.com/victims/

Not craigslist but if you know about BloodNinja, this is where that material came from.
Here is a sample:

johnnycheesedog: I'm having some trouble in here and no one seems to want to help me.
HeDied4Uand4Me: what do you mean ?
johnnycheesedog: I came here to this Christian Chat room for help.
johnnycheesedog: I thought someone in here might be able to tell me about Jesus and Forgiveness.
johnnycheesedog: are you religious?
HeDied4Uand4Me: not really
johnnycheesedog: ok then. If you're not, can you point me in the direction of someone who might?
HeDied4Uand4Me: who might what
johnnycheesedog: who might be reliious and know about Jesus and stuff.
HeDied4Uand4Me: I know a little
johnnycheesedog: Do you know anything about Jesus?
HeDied4Uand4Me: yes
johnnycheesedog: Can you help me with a problem. No one else here seems to care
HeDied4Uand4Me: I could try
johnnycheesedog: You see, I have these nasty urges.
johnnycheesedog: I can't seem to stop them.
johnnycheesedog: I've tried therapy and everything else, but nothing seems to work.
johnnycheesedog: I thought that this chat room might help me.
HeDied4Uand4Me: ok go on
johnnycheesedog: I have these "Feelings" that I can't get rid of.
johnnycheesedog: I need to find some way to release them in a productive way.
johnnycheesedog: Its so embarrassing talking about this. Forgive me if I have trouble
HeDied4Uand4Me: ok
johnnycheesedog: I have this thing for little boys. It's driving me crazy.
johnnycheesedog: I know I shouldn't feel like this, but I can't help it.
johnnycheesedog: I wanted to know if the Church could help me.
johnnycheesedog: Hello?
johnnycheesedog: Are you still there?
johnnycheesedog: Did I scare you away?
HeDied4Uand4Me: no I just dont know what to say
johnnycheesedog: Please say you can help me. Do you go to church?
HeDied4Uand4Me: yes
HeDied4Uand4Me: but I dont know if I can help you
johnnycheesedog: Please! I roam the streets at night and pay young men and boys to...
HeDied4Uand4Me: to what?
johnnycheesedog: to let me smell their underpants.
johnnycheesedog: I PAY THEM, do you understand me?
johnnycheesedog: I can't believe I do this
HeDied4Uand4Me: neither can I to be honest
johnnycheesedog: Can Jesus help me with my problem?
HeDied4Uand4Me: he can help you with *any* problem
johnnycheesedog: How often do you go to church?
HeDied4Uand4Me: weekly
johnnycheesedog: Does your church have a choir?
johnnycheesedog: Can they help me?
HeDied4Uand4Me: yes
HeDied4Uand4Me: I am sorry but i don't know
HeDied4Uand4Me: All I can tell you is to pray.
johnnycheesedog: I have been praying, but my church doesn't have a choir.
HeDied4Uand4Me: what does that have to do with it?
johnnycheesedog: You don't understand.
johnnycheesedog: I REALLY don't want to have to pay these people anymore.
johnnycheesedog: I mean, all they're doing is letting me smell their dirty underwear.
HeDied4Uand4Me: then dont
johnnycheesedog: Thats the whole problem though!
johnnycheesedog: I'm running out of money and I need to find boys who will let me do it for free.
johnnycheesedog: I was thinking if your church had a choir...
johnnycheesedog: you could give a few of the boys in the choir my number...
johnnycheesedog: and they could give me a call when they got lonely.
HeDied4Uand4Me: You are sick! Get help! Leave little boys alone!
johnnycheesedog: Awww c'mon. Don't you find them attractive?
johnnycheesedog: Not even a little bit?
HeDied4Uand4Me: You disgust me. You're going straight to hell.
johnnycheesedog: Are there little boys in your choir who look particularly dirty?
HeDied4Uand4Me: GET LOST!!
johnnycheesedog: Because I might be able to just join the choir and smell the underpants while I sing.
johnnycheesedog: I could save a fortune.
HeDied4Uand4Me: you think that is funny?
johnnycheesedog: Do you know anybody who would be willing to just SELL me their underwear?
HeDied4Uand4Me: your going to burn in hell.
johnnycheesedog: Does your church have a men's softball team or something that I can join?
HeDied4Uand4Me: you r a disgusting pig
johnnycheesedog: Because if I was, let's say ...the catcher?
johnnycheesedog: I could be right down there near the groin area.
johnnycheesedog: Can I borrow 15 bucks?
HeDied4Uand4Me: F**K OFF!!!!
johnnycheesedog: HELP ME PLEASE!
johnnycheesedog: I'm begging you!!
HeDied4Uand4Me: F**K OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE OR I WILL REPORT Y(OU
johnnycheesedog: Ok.
johnnycheesedog: I'm sorry.
johnnycheesedog: What are you wearing right now?
HeDied4Uand4Me: <<has logged out>>


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USMC: We put the "laughter" back in Slaughter.
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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-14-2009, 11:38 AM Thread Starter
Serbian Jew Double Bluff
 
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Blood Ninja is my favorite. I started a thread on here a long time ago with Blood Ninja chat logs. The guy is hilarious.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-19-2009, 05:35 PM Thread Starter
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1996 Yahamha R1 - $8095 (Rosemount,Mn)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-19, 4:44PM CDT



Bought new in 08! Only 1500 miles! Fluids changed per maintenance record!! Matching helmet!! Mint!!!! 651-344-7056 chris
Attached Images
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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-22-2009, 08:58 PM
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"Best of Craigslist"?
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-22-2009, 10:49 PM
FAsT BOYS
 
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Bra Fit Stylist with Management Potential
Are you in search of an opportunity to feel empowered in the workplace? Would you like to go home at night knowing that you helped a woman’s confidence soar? If so, we are anxious to meet you! We are a high-end lingerie boutique seeking enthusiastic and innovative individuals eager to help change women’s lives as Bra Fit Stylists. As a leader in the bra business, our media attention has lead us to a current state of growth where we are rapidly expanding in our mission to uplift women across America!

As a Bra Fit Stylist you will have the opportunity to educate, uplift and build relationships with customers by offering a personalized bra fit service. Due to our high growth there will be many opportunities to grow with the business into management positions.

Successful employees in our growing family are:
• Customer focused
• Able to thrive in a commissioned sales environment
• Team builders
• Professional and responsible
• Self-motivated
• Experience and interest in the fashion & beauty industry
• Expressive communicators with positive attitudes

We offer fantastic compensation with the opportunity for future growth into management positions within the company. We provide extensive on the job training as well as full benefits for our full time employees.

Join our team today! For more uplifting information, visit our website at Intimacy, The Bra Fit Specialist - Prima Donna, Chantelle, Aubade, and More!
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-23-2009, 08:58 AM
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Will trade husband for 2005 or newer GSXR-1000 - $1

Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-22, 3:21PM PDT


I have a slightly used husband, about 6'2. Fully self contained, comes with full time job, spare tools, 2 boxes of brownie mix, sand box and roll of duct tape. Just replaced underwear, spare tire and shoes. In laws live about 3 1/2 hours away and never come around. Sorry no test rides and NOT parting out! Looking to trade for 2005 or newer GSXR-1000, zx-10, R1, or Repsol. Salvaged title, no motor or wrecked will do. Please e mail me with pics of your bike if interested. No low ballers!! If no bike thats ok... he's free to good home. Thank you for your time.
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 03-23-2009, 01:24 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 383Roller View Post
Will trade husband for 2005 or newer GSXR-1000 - $1

Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-22, 3:21PM PDT


I have a slightly used husband, about 6'2. Fully self contained, comes with full time job, spare tools, 2 boxes of brownie mix, sand box and roll of duct tape. Just replaced underwear, spare tire and shoes. In laws live about 3 1/2 hours away and never come around. Sorry no test rides and NOT parting out! Looking to trade for 2005 or newer GSXR-1000, zx-10, R1, or Repsol. Salvaged title, no motor or wrecked will do. Please e mail me with pics of your bike if interested. No low ballers!! If no bike thats ok... he's free to good home. Thank you for your time.
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-07-2009, 02:48 PM
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To the Drunk Hottie who fell off my motorcycle

Date: 2007-11-07, 5:23AM PST


I met you at the bar last night, and we hit it off. Ya we were both a little buzzed, but you seemed as into me as I was into you. Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn't usually happen to me. I luckily had the extra helmet with me and let you wear my bike jacket while suffering the cold on the way home. I was feeling pretty happy and lucky to say the least.

This is where things got crazy.

I don't know if you slipped, or thought I was taking you home to kill you, or if your're just plain crazy and had a change of heart, but all of a sudden you let go of me MID-TURN and went flying into the bushes at about 10-15mph near the park by my house. I was so freaked out!!! when I looked back to see you fumbling in the bushes I could only PRAY TO GOD that you didn't hit the asphalt or something worse.

I really thought you must have been hurt at least a bit, but as I turned around to come check on you, you took off into the unlit park running full speed with my helmet and jacket still on! I parked my bike and looked for you for over 2 hours calling your name until I was so cold I had to go home or risk freezing to death.

WTF

Im sorry for what happened and I really hope your're ok, really I do, but seriously WTF. Running into a forested park in the middle of the night like that....I really can't begin to guess what you were thinking, and you weren't that drunk, but i suppose my "crazy-bitch o' meter" wasn't working at the bar that night, and from the speed you took off I can only surmise that your're not that hurt. I would like my expensive bike gear back though, I hope it kept you warm during your psychotic episode, but it IS mine and I kinda need it to get around in the winter. If you could return it to the bar for me, check in with your shrink, and promise to never come near me again that would be great, cause you scared the #*$% outta me and are costing me alot of money.

Sincerely,
Very cold/poor motorcycle rider who will never let women near his bike again.
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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-07-2009, 02:58 PM Thread Starter
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LMAO.

HEY..........YOUR A CRAZY BITCH BUT YOU FUCK.........oh wait I didn't get any!!

Please return my moto gear BITCH!!
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-19-2009, 11:05 AM
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Just the title


Jack off ALL trades

Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-12, 11:28PM PDT


No Job too big or small!!
Free Estimates!
Jack of ALL trade: Weedeating, Paint, Automotive, Clean-up, Electrical, Plumbing, Remodeling ...
If you need it done we can do it for GREAT prices!
Quality work with GREAT references!!

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1168325894
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-21-2009, 08:29 PM
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Found this Gem today

We Met at last Nights Orgy But did Not Get your Name - m4w

Date: 2009-04-13, 2:14PM EDT



I wanted to talk to you, but you are so much more attractive than most of the middle-aged has-beens in last night's pile that I couldn't get a moment alone, or even as part of a threesome or foursome with you. There was a brief moment, while you were reverse cowgirling that old guy and jerking off two midgets while orally satisfying the butch chick in the leather chaps, when our eyes met, and it was magic.

First, I want to be clear that I wasn't calling you a filthy whore, it was the woman I was doggy-styling, and that was only after her repeated insistence that I talk dirty to her. I promise I would treat you more respectfully than that.

I also want to make clear that I don't normally go down on other guys, but since you were taken and she was the only other attractive woman there, and part of the package was that her husband had to get in on the action, well, desperate times call for desperate acts...

Anyway, the point is, I think I love you. I know, we've not met, and I don't think any of my semen actually ended up in you, though we can't be sure of that, now can we, but probably not, so that makes us complete strangers. But there was that moment, that electric moment, before you started to gyrate wildly and cry out in some foreign language (was that French? I love French), and before I had to take on that unsavory but necessary oral task that I'd just as soon forget, except for this persistent heartburn I've got today, when we connected, and it was as if I could see into your soul, and you into mine.

So can't we give it a try? All I'm asking for is a cup of coffee. And perhaps a threesome, if your roommate is hot, or if we meet a sexy stranger on the street. But let's just start by getting to know each other, okay?
  • Location: DC
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 10:11 AM
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LMAO, oh man that orgy one was priceless.

HAIL TO THE KING!!

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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 10:31 AM Thread Starter
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Sounds sexy!

Minus the dude giving the other dude a BJ!
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