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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-28-2009, 11:52 PM Thread Starter
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husband banned from target

HUSBAND BANNED FROM TARGET

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from our local Target.

Dear Mrs. Jones,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Jones, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he would invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-29-2009, 06:54 AM
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-29-2009, 07:56 PM
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Some great ideas to stop the wife from asking me to accompany her on shopping trips...

May have to give a couple a try.

Its really hard to take an angry man seriously when hes wearing a bathrobe. - Carl Fogarty
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-30-2009, 05:57 AM
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 11-30-2009, 08:59 AM
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 12-02-2009, 05:04 PM
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My girlfriend use to beg me to go grocery shopping with her all the time. She hated going alone. Now, she prefers going alone.

I guess Puffing up my chest and lunging at old woman pretending I was going to hit them wasn't amusing for her. She told me that one day I was going to get caught and she didn't want to be around me when I did. I always did it when they were reading the nutrition facts on a product so they wouldn't actually see me but I would get inches from them. God it made my GF cringe and run to another Isle.

True story.

Last edited by Matt; 12-02-2009 at 05:06 PM.
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